How I Fail At Life--A Look At Where I Am Right Now

Yeah, that title may seem a bit harsh but I really don't know what else to say. So I know I haven't written in awhile and if you are curious to know why, you can check out my YouTube channel where I have been slowly but surely riding and endless train to nowhere.

I am very harsh on myself so let's just get that out of the way and talk about how I fail at life.
So...

After nearly a year since completing one of the biggest milestones of my life, College. I have yet to find a suitable and sustainable job. It is not for lack of trying, though, I have put resumes and cover letters out to nearly any position that remotely looks like what I majored in, plus receptionist jobs, but that is a bit weird for me since I am a guy (but I still applied). I have heard back from a few of them and many with the same answer. "Thank you for showing interest in our company but we went with someone more suitable for the job. Good luck on your job search."

Okay, that is like the equivalent of getting stabbed, and I have been stabbed repeatedly. I always wonder how someone like myself cannot seem to get a job at all. I worked so hard in college achieving a 3.8 GPA. It is like nothing I did even mattered. I look to the internet to calm my nerves, but all I see is people either talking about how they are so happy to have a job they love or how they couldn't find a job and had to go into something that they never wanted to do.

I know, I sound ungrateful. At least you went to college and have a degree. Why not take a job serving coffee? Where are your priorities? You need money!!

Look I can stare down so many people and spout how I want to do what I love but no matter what, I always get that crap. I am tired of waiting for my dreams, I want them.

So I started a YouTube channel because I wanted to make videos. It was at least close to what I went to school for. (Broadcast Communications) I started making vlogs and got views from some people, then I began eating candy, which garnered a lot of attention from the Germans. German candy video has 11,000 plus views. I enjoy that, and I love hearing what people have to say, but now, It is so overwhelming to make any videos that people want to watch. I don't understand how stupid people can get millions of views and I can't get more than 30 on a video with decent content. Yes, I know about SEO and all that other great stuff people use to get views. I just wanted to do what I love, but now I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I almost feel like I have no purpose, along with no career, no friends, and certainly no creativity.

So much for being happy.

Don't worry though. If you are interested, I am still going to be working on my YouTube channel. I needed to rant about my situation. If I keep everything bottled up, I inevitably will explode (silently though)

Until the world revolves again (hopefully sooner rather than later)...B

Creating My YouTube Channel--Where I Am

Starting My Vlogging Journey-

Youtube Channel

Over the past couple of months of being hopelessly unemployed, I decided to pursue a career in the most promising enterprise of my young life--Youtube.

Everyday, I would log on to the infinitely popular video site and see random people who simply uploaded video after video and amassed millions of subscribers talking about everything from the latest tech gadget to what gummy candy topping would make a dessert pizza look more realistic. (yeah, those exist)

I saw these videos and I just knew that I could do that. I knew that I had what it took so I grabbed my closest camera and came up with an idea for a show. I figured I would talk about random topics every day and upload some daily vlog videos. After creating, editing, and uploading my first video I sat back and I waited. I waited for something that I realised would probably never come--views. 


After posting that first video, I had no views. A big fat 0 sat in front of my face on that screen and I just didn't know what to do. So, I kept making videos hoping that more would come my way. I made videos for two weeks and for every video I made, I would get 0 views. I finally realized that the reason I wasn't achieving what I wanted was because I had nothing to give an audience. I had no niche that I could fill. I don't play games, I know nothing about fashion or make-up, and I wasn't about to make a fool of myself on camera for viewers.

So, while keeping the vlog videos going, I took down my earlier videos and started soul-searching. I would look up some of the people that made me want to get on to Youtube and watch them. I studied them and finally decided that I would start my channel with Candy eating videos. Not just any candy, International Candy. Naturally this venture did get me the views that I wanted--well for the first couple of weeks. Soon I found myself wasting money to buy candy and seeing very little response from viewers. I felt like I could literally scream at the camera for people to watch me. So many other Youtubers do absolutely nothing and millions of people subscribe and watch them daily. What was I doing wrong?

After researching the tagging, title, and SEO madness that is Youtube, I finally figured something out. I wanted to be the people I saw on my computer screen every day. I wanted to have the fans and the money to make a difference in others lives. I forgot the reason I wanted to make videos--Because I can! I had to see other successful YouTubers channels to realize that they started from humble beginnings and gradually people flocked to them. So I decided to revamp myself and start making videos that talked about me. I started showing people who I was and not caring about the views or the subscribers. I starting reading books and opening up my vocabulary. I am doing reviews and making funny videos about what I remember about certain things. I am taking my camera into public places and capturing what is out there in travel vlogs. I even still eat candy on the reg. I am learning to just make something out of nothing and hope for the best.

My channel is only 8 months old and I am happy if I get new subscribers and even if I get a few views because it's not about the people who see me, it's about me feeling that I have purpose. I was unemployed, but now I have employed myself in making content on Youtube. I had an empty existence sitting at home so I filled it with something. So myself and my 34 subscribers and counting hope you can join us for the journey. 

It's a start, but it is all about putting yourself out there and seeing who wants to subscribe!

You can visit my channel at BrianRichard